A woman yearns for the freedom

I hope everyone can be free to choose their own happiness because Mrs. Huynh shared that “Happiness is not something distant, but it exists in intimate moments we still stand by our loved ones”.

During Vietnam’s subsidy period, people buckled under the pressure of deep-rooted prejudices, customs, and conventional ways of thinking. Some folks let their dream be dead and buried, but some struggled to escape those obsessive thoughts and broke down the feeling of frustration to live their own life liberally and proactively.
I, fortunately, met Mrs. Huynh Nguyet Anh – a 56-year-old beautiful woman and heard about her life stories!

Finding herself in the spontaneity of her youth.

The day I met her was full of bright sunshine in Saigon with short and intermittent stories successively being told and listened to between two generations. She depicted vividly an old but peaceful Saigon beautified with sparse population and the number of “sai” and “gon” – the local language of mango trees and cotton plants respectively. “Because of this, people call this place Saigon,” she said.

Despite desiring to be free, her life was beset by many sexist prejudices and rigid family rules. Mature folks suppose that young women must be well-mannered and gentle. They are obliged to hang around the house and undertake all the housework; all the fun outside is forbidden. As for such ebullience, she aspired to cross the limits to discover and learn the whole wide world. So, she left home many times and gadded about places without the sense of stuffiness to seek her freedom. She was perpetually searching for an escape so that she could live the life she ever wanted and take the initiative in choosing a lifetime partner rather than waiting for her future to be set.

The recklessness of the youth and her stubborn personality had caused her a step back on the educational pathway, a great deal of pain and regret. Nevertheless, this profound life built up her strength and proactive attitude, letting her free to control her own fate, to become a traditional but open-minded woman in the old days.

Sharing her life with a twenty-two-year older guitarist, she eventually embraced the greatest happiness in her life.

At that time, people said that artists are such flirtatious men with such a nomadic life, so their woman apparently felt a sense of uncertainty and insecurity. However, being indifferent to that hearsay, she nurtured that pure and unconditional love for him – the man with a lifelong love for art. Without a wedding or any wholehearted approval from the family, she fearlessly devoted every moment of her life to living with him and building a loving family. “He always cherished the family and was completely faithful. He is the loved one and only that no other man can surpass. It is my privilege to take care of him and our children”, she said.

When he was still here with her, she often joked that “why can’t you be born later so that I can be with you a little longer”. He was so quiet, but he was always there to encourage her through all the sorrow and hardship. His passion for music flowing in his blood gradually became the invisible string fostering her family bond. For her, becoming a wife, a mother occupied with nurturing her little home is the freedom of women. Do you feel privileged and free to do that?

She gave me a precious piece of advice that no matter how successful and independent I am in the wider society, I should initially take responsibility for taking care of my own family. Instead of blindly fighting for feminism, why don’t we enjoy the freedom of being a woman, a wife, and a mother? Once again, women should take the initiative in defining their own self, and in the choice of their partner. “When you meet your Mr.Right who shares and respects you wholeheartedly, there is no need to “sacrifice” but you may voluntarily look after your family with him.” – she said, “I am so much lucky to meet my husband.”

Can we define Gender equality simply? Is it the happiness of women voluntarily shouldering burdens that men can carry and the interdependence of two human beings understanding and sympathizing for each other? I don’t have the answer yet. But for her, it is that simple.

When he was still alive, they wished to travel together all around the country, holding hands through out-of-the-way places. So even though he had laid down, she still keeps in mind that he is always by her side on every single trip, “I’ll take you along at the back seat and please prays for our journeys, darling” she reminds herself every time she sets her foot in new places. She is a genuine backpacker!

Live alone without feeling lonely

Currently, she lives alone in an old and small house in District 4. Her oldest daughter has had her own married life and her youngest child has studied abroad in Korea. When her mood darkens, she makes friends with poetry, knitting, and of course with his guitar. She sings at the top of her voice, and eventually finds joy in such a chaotic world.
Flipping over the old pages in her poetry notebook, I can describe in words how lucky I am to contemplate the beautiful and gentle pieces of art that she hurriedly writes down when her nostalgia flashbacks flood back. Through her artistic soul hidden deep inside such a cheerful and optimistic figure, she forms the connection with him and with this wonderful life.

Living alone but she never felt lonely, because she still has nourished many future plans. There is embroidery stuff to make a living; next trips off the beaten path or charity programs with young volunteers to help the poor. One of the latest projects this year is to knit 100 woolen hats, which she hopes to accomplish in time to donate to the elder nursing home in Saigon. More importantly, her biggest dream is to spend the rest of her life helping people from all walks of life with a full of her capacity.

“Maybe it’s time to let the old way die”

Women are always an endless source of inspiration for innovation, although they have suffered the most from the conventional ways of thinking. However, regardless of those prejudices, they are changing their life on own their own and slowly molting into a different life. Mrs. Huynh is the one having charming personality, an equal marriage, and fulfilling life.

While some women are continuously struggling for their own feminism with the intention of being respected, others who are willing to blend in a progressive society hope that the tremendous traditional values of Vietnamese women are still preserved. Equality for her is not something out of reach, but it exists in the thought of “having the right to happiness”. When you feel happy – cherish the moment; when you are still struggling to find happiness – enjoy and experience such unsteadiness; when you have no choice but to let the happiness go – give up on it and search for new joy.

Eventually, I hope everyone can be free to choose their own happiness because Mrs. Huynh shared that “Happiness is not something distant, but it exists in intimate moments we still stand by our loved ones”.

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Translator

Minh Hop